Last week’s episode of This is Us, one of the main characters, played by Chrissy Metz, is married and has a newborn son. She and her husband, played by Chris Sullivan, were arguing for weeks and the underlying issue was they weren’t having sex. Now of course the act of having sex wasn’t the main thing that was wrong, but all the other details that surround it was causing an issue.

I related so much to this episode. while I was pregnant, I was so scared to do anything because I didn’t want to risk another miscarriage or anything (most of the time, we don’t know what causes a miscarriage. I was just scared most of my pregnancy because my first pregnancy ended in miscarriage).

I think during the second trimester we managed to do it twice. It wasn’t really until the end of my pregnancy that we actually did it a few more times (my daughter was 10 days late and I was doing everything I could to get labor started).

Once you have a baby, the doctor recommends not doing anything for a couple of weeks so your body can heal. I was for sure not doing anything since, 1. I just had an entire baby come out of there and 2. I tore during delivery so wanted to make sure I was all healed. I think the third reason was because, my body was new and changing, even after having a baby, and I wasn’t comfortable with it.

Most of my life, I have been an athlete and after having my daughter, my whole body changed. I was not comfortable in my own skin and I sure as hell was not comfortable with my husband seeing my new body and being intimate. At the same time, like the girl in the show, I wanted to know if my husband was still attracted to me. I wasn’t even attracted to me, so how could I expect him to be.

As a mom, you can get caught up in making sure this new tiny human was taken care of that you forget about connecting with your spouse. I am 100% guilty of that. like the woman in the show, we were having little arguments as well. What my therapist and my parenting bible, Pinterest, pointed out, was that we had to take time out for us to be husband and wife.

As you can imagine, it’s hard to be away from your cute little snot-nose baby but reconnecting with your spouse is soooo important. It doesn’t have to be just sex that reconnects you guys. Communication is a major part of a relationship. Even remembering to give each other a kiss or holding hands can help you reconnect. Date nights are something that is hard but necessary. Our first date night came about four months after she was born. We talked about her most of the time, but we also talked about us. It was nice.

I don’t want to look at my husband and say, “so who the hell are you and when did you turn into this person”. I want to stay connected to him throughout the years. We have to carve out time for us because in the far far future when our kids are grown and leading their independent lives, it’ll just be us.